Today marks my four year anniversary of my total and complete mental breakdown. I was in Las Vegas with my family, completley sober and on about 6 different anti psychosis/anxiety/depression/tremor medication. I just kinda dropped out of life. Hallucinated that my mom was a really hot dude, and kept trying to grab her thighs and talk to her about the band Neurosis. I kicked my grandpa. Hallucinated my boyfriend at the time making out with his girlfriend in front of me and going into a violent rage. Hallucinated that people were trying to attack me and screaming until my voice went hoarse. This break went on, in total, for about two days. I thought everything I was seeing or feeling was real and didn’t question it for one moment. I cried today because I can’t fuckin believe how far I have come from that. I wanted to fucking die all the time. I don’t take meds, get black out drunk to numb myself, have a wonderful daughter, friends and family. I cannot believe I made it this far…truly. I’m so grateful, that I balled my eyes out. I can’t believe how much I used to hate my life and still survived. Damn. I’m tougher than I thought.